February 19th, 2015
Have you ever made a mistake that only got worse the harder you tried to fix it?
I recently went sideways with a dear and trusted friend. I thought I was being judicious, but my words were not received the way I had intended. The harder I tried to correct myself, the more sideways the conversation went. By God’s grace, I was eventually able to hear that my intention to share my vulnerability had instead revealed areas of pride and insecurity.
In reading and meditating on Psalm 139, I realized the proper course should have been humility and trust. Humility before God and selflessness toward my friend, with complete trust in the One who is 100% trustworthy. While human, our complete, unfettered trust in God removes our insecurity, completely. Oh, how that would have helped!
I apologized to my friend for my two sins, having heard (and owned) how she received them, and the feelings that accompanied them. And I asked her forgiveness.
I share this with you today, during this early journey of Lent, as a reminder of how our journey with Christ must be rooted in self-sacrifice and charity toward others. As excited as I am about the 3-areas God has given me to work on this new year (below), I have already forgotten what I look like in the mirror. Hence my story. Nonetheless, here they are:
1) I am to love without expectation, as Jesus did;
2) Understanding that people are always watching; and,
3) Trusting God to make up the difference.
As the Psalm reads, “If I take the wings of the dawn, if I dwell in the remotest part of the sea, even there Your hand will lead me, and Your right hand will lay hold of me.” God is trustworthy. I needn’t operate out of my insecurities, or out of my pride. I am to love as Jesus loved, aware of my witness before others, while trusting God to make up the difference.
How about you? What are you recognizing? What are you working on right now?
~Justin Kawabori is Executive Director, Northwest University Foundation